On the last day of 2015 it seems only fitting to look back at the year that was, and call out the absolute shlockers that – unfortunately – graced our screens. We voted on our least favourites to bring you our ten worst films of 2015.
10. Knight of Cups
If you didn’t like the Tree of Life, then avoid this one – like the plague.
“Like many, big-name auteurs, Malick’s flashy direction overshadows the entire narrative. Jarring techniques such as hushed narration, extreme angles and shaky handheld camerawork dominate the film’s glacial 2 hour run-time.” Read more
I’m sorry, but how the hell did this get nominated for a Golden Globe?
“McCarthy’s transition from meek loner to ass-kicking super sleuth is rather sudden, almost like she steps into a phone booth, spins around, and emerges as a Frankenstein monster of Ripley, Sarah Connor and the Bride combined.” Read more
8. Paranormal Activity: The Ghost Dimension
It’s time this ghost franchise was exorcised for good!
“So, over-saturation aside, does the film offer anything new or original which warrants its existence? Nope! It’s yet another found footage horror, which was a genuinely scary art form when 1999’s The Blair Witch Project burst onto our screens.” Read more
7. Into The Woods
Again… are the Golden Globes on crack? How did this get a nomination for Best Comedy or Musical earlier this year?
“Shortly after the comical middle section, all of the conflicts that connect the many characters are suddenly resolved, which creates the impression that the film is about to conclude, and that all will live happily ever after… but instead, the film keeps going… and going. At first it gets weird, then it simply becomes a laborious series of message laden ballads.” Read more
6. The Last Witch Hunter
Let’s see how many random, fantastical elements we can boil up in one dodgy cauldron…
“Despite not being based on existing material, originality isn’t something that the screenwriters are overly familiar with; together with the director, they’ve successfully cooked up a film that sponges from other, more compelling work to create a wonky patchwork quilt of borrowed motifs and tropes.” Read more
5. Jupiter Ascending
I’m still shuddering from Eddie Redmayne’s hideous get-up.
“Don’t worry, even the most passionate science fiction enthusiasts will have a difficult time attempting to gain anything from Jupiter Ascending. The film is a visual feast for the eyes, as is expected from any Hollywood blockbuster these days, but it suffers enormously from a hugely problematic script.” Read more
4. By The Sea
Some people just shouldn’t write. Ever.
“By The Sea is about as enchanting as watching paint dry, except the paint has already dried, and the only question left to ask is why the wall still needs someone to watch it. This is a painful experience, one that suggests Angelina Jolie might make a good director given the right crew and a dedicated cast, but when it comes to writing… even if Hemingway himself rose from the grave and possessed her mind – she still wouldn’t be any good.” Read more
This is what happens when you try to tamper with a classic.
“Ever wondered how Peter Pan and Captain Hook became mortal enemies? Well, prepare to continue wondering as Joe Wright’s Pan completely misses the point and dumps a steaming pile of unoriginal crap onto our laps.” Read More
2. Fifty Shades Of Grey
Fifty Shades of Zzzz… the awkward moment when a kinky book turns into a film that inspires nothing more than a yawn…
“Even more disappointing is the complete lack of chemistry between Johnson and Dornan. It’s like watching a soggy bowl of oatmeal profess its undying love for the shriveled chunks of dried fruit you often get in those microwavable, “just add milk” porridge packs.”
1. Fantastic Four
The, uh… not so fantastic, Fantastic Four…
“While these types of action-adventure blockbusters have previously succeeded in providing momentary escapism, audiences have now become desensitised, and the light of wonderment has been snuffed out. Seeing ordinary folk transform into super-human Earth-defenders has become a well-worn premise with the only glaring difference from film to film being the quirky superpower assigned to each protagonist.” Read more
Images courtesy of Universal Pictures, Roadshow Films, 20th Century Fox, Walt Disney Studios Motion Pictures & Paramount Pictures